Beyond Vanity: The Rippling Effects of Narcissism

The effects of narcissism on the individual and loved ones

The word narcissism has roots in Greek mythology. Named after Narcissus, a handsome man who fell so much in love with his own reflection in a pool of water that not even a beautiful mountain nymph could capture his attention. Today, people use the term casually to describe egocentric and self-absorbed people, but the effects of narcissism extend far beyond vanity.

What Is Narcissism?

Experts have identified a range of narcissistic behavior, and all humans display narcissism to some extent. At the lower end of the narcissistic spectrum, the focus on self can actually serve a healthy purpose. Cornell Psychology Professor Frank Yeomans, M.D., Ph.D., explains in this video:

“Healthy narcissism is feeling good about your own accomplishments, liking what you do, liking who you are, a realistic satisfaction in your life, not having excessive expectations, not belittling yourself…”

He goes on to differentiate that healthy self-focus from destructive elements of narcissism as a personality disorder (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD). He says the trait can become “pathological” when:

“…the loving feelings are exclusively directed toward the self and don’t also go toward the outside world, toward others.”

For most of us, a strong sense of self helps us succeed in our lives, but we also remain open to give-and-take relationships with others. Individuals with NPD tend to interact with the people around them in an unbalanced and destructive manner, which can become especially harmful in a parent-child or romantic relationship.

I recently read the book “The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists” by Eleanor Payson. She posted a series of blogs within the past two months that help identify the healthy and adaptive elements of narcissistic behavior. In the blogs, she also notes where those behaviors become damaging fixations. They are worth a read if you suspect you or someone you love might meet criteria for NPD.

Traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

While a person’s occasional self-aggrandisement might annoy people in his or her life, it should be noted that isolated behavior does not necessarily signal a personality disorder. Personality disorders represent long-term, entrenched patterns of behavior which cause significant distress or problems in functioning. Also worth noting when it comes to any diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (commonly referred to as the DSM), is that most diagnoses are simply an array of symptoms with no explanation of their causes. With the rise of popular medications to help with mental health issues, many people assume that all mental health problems are a result of–and alleviated by–psychiatric medications. And don’t get me wrong, these medications can be tremendously helpful for many people. With that being said, however, the DSM largely does not take into account a person’s life experiences which led to their current symptoms. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), would be an exception to this, since the diagnosis requires a significantly traumatic event to have occurred which is connected to the rise of symptoms.

Thus, all people who meet criteria for a personality disorder have no doubt had adverse life experiences which have significantly contributed to their personalities. This fact is important to remember so we don’t strip the people around us of their humanity. All people are multidimensional and doing the best they can with the tools they have.

At any rate, the key traits that set NPD apart from normal narcissistic thoughts include:

• Dissociation from reality, especially negative feelings or characteristics
• Delusions of grandeur that don’t match a person’s actual accomplishments
• Inability to consider others’ needs, wants or feelings; lack of empathy
• Exploitation of others to serve one’s own purposes
• Strong sense of entitlement
• Belittling and demeaning others without guilt
• Prone to rage and contempt when things go wrong
• An inflated need for admiration and approval

The pathological form of this disorder significantly impacts the person’s ability to maintain healthy relationships or even function well in the realities of day-to-day life. Fantasies and an overblown sense of their own abilities prevent individuals with NPD from having common emotional and social experiences that most of us take for granted.

Effects of Narcissism

In relationships with others, people with NPD don’t know how to appreciate both themselves and the other person, creating an intensely lopsided dynamic. Children, spouses and friends of people with the disorder are left with their own needs unfulfilled while also suffering under the pressure to please and praise the person with NPD. Many children of NPD parents also develop depression, substance abuse tendencies, eating disorders and much more.

The affected individual can also suffer severe consequences as a result of his or her NPD. In the video above, Dr. Yeomans discussed one 28-year-old woman who had isolated herself from reality so dramatically that she didn’t work, but planned to take over a Hollywood movie studio “when she decided she was ready.” The disorder prevents the individual from accomplishing much of anything outside of their own fantasies of greatness that exist solely in their minds. People who meet criteria for NPD can also develop other mental health and/or substance abuse problems.

Where to Find Help

If you suspect that you meet criteria for NPD, and/or you have suffered the negative effects of living with a loved one who does, therapy can help. There are no medications specified to treat NPD, so treatment focused on NPD will center around talk therapy which can help the individual:

• Identify and manage emotions
• More accurately evaluate one’s strengths
• Learn to cope with criticism and imperfection
• Develop healthier relationship expectations and skills for relating to others

For individuals healing from narcissistic abuse from a parent, family member, or romantic partner therapy will address:

• Feelings of inadequacy and fear
• Developing trust for others and creating healthy attachments
• Letting go of feelings of shame, self-blame and guilt

A huge part of recovering from narcissistic abuse is understanding that you are not to blame for someone else’s disordered behavior. Learning to separate yourself from a person who constantly took advantage of you emotionally for their own delusions of grandeur takes time, but is possible.

If you would like to learn more about therapy for narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic abuse, please contact me to schedule an appointment.

Sincerely,