Dangers of Black and White Thinking

Dichotomous thinking, or black and white thinking, can impact your relationships and more

Known as dichotomous thinking in psychology circles, black and white thinking can shape how a person views and interacts with the world. The impact can sometimes have devastating effects on one’s relationships, work life and more.

What is black and white thinking?

We all think in “all or nothing” terms on occasion, but people prone to black and white thinking tend to categorize most life events and experiences as either good or bad. In reality, most of our experiences in life fall somewhere in the middle – in the gray area.

If you spend any time on social media, you can easily recognize the social impacts of dichotomous thinking in your network of friends and acquaintances. You undoubtedly have friends who jump on certain news stories and label the involved parties as bad – or even evil – without considering the nuances of the story or the broader implications of events.

That knee-jerk response to a headline or to a perceived negative often leads to arguments among friends. Many of these arguments can go on endlessly because each party holds to his or her particular black and white perspective.

Sound familiar? Social media provides just one obvious example of how dichotomous thinking has harmed our community relationships in recent years.

Do you view the world as black and white, or gray?

Beyond social media and political arguments, dichotomous thinking can negatively impact you in all aspects of your life.

Consider the scenarios below. How do you normally react in similar circumstances?

• A friend forgets a lunch date with you and stands you up
• You complete a big project at work, but your boss doesn’t offer any praise or feedback
• Your partner falls asleep while you’re watching a movie together
• Everyone compliments your friend on a new haircut or outfit

Do you usually respond with empathy, forgiveness and generosity? Do you cut people some slack for having a bad day, or feeling overwhelmed/tired/distracted? Do you celebrate your friend along with the group? If so, you tend to view the world in shades of gray, and you understand that a number of factors go into others’ behavior as well as your own.

Or do you:

• Assume your friend doesn’t like you anymore?
• Think your boss hates your work and worry that you’re about to be fired?
• Accuse your partner of not spending enough quality time with you?
• Think your friends find you ugly or unstylish?

Conversely, if things are going well with the people in your life, do you tend to view them only in a positive and glowing light? That’s the flip side of black and white thinking. Everything’s either all bad or all good.

Effects of dichotomous thinking

As mentioned above, we all have moments when we assume the worst (or best) in the moment; where we view something as black or white. However, if it has become a habit for you, or it’s your set point, you could suffer a number of negative effects, including:

• Inhibiting your success. If you believe success is all-or-nothing, one setback could convince you to give up on a goal or dream. When you learn to celebrate smaller wins, you can take steps toward a bigger goal.
• Limiting your relationships. Roller coasters are fun, but nobody wants to live on one. If your relationship feels like a roller coaster more than a safe, warm space, it could be due to dichotomous thinking. Same goes for friendships and work relationships.
• Self-doubt or self-loathing. If you have labeled yourself as a “bad person” because of black and white thinking, you could end up hating yourself, falling into periods of depression, acting out in destructive ways and more.

It’s important to note that dichotomous thinking can also be a symptom of mental health disorders, including Borderline Personality Disorder. It is one of many symptoms you should discuss with your doctor or therapist, if you suspect you might have BPD.

Practice seeking out middle ground and nuance

Need some practice finding middle ground between black and white in your thinking? Try this exercise from Psychcentral:

“Write down each of the below pair of opposites on a piece of paper. Then, write down a word — a SINGLE word — that accurately describes the middle ground between the pair of opposites.

1. black and white
2. large and small
3. up and down
4. left and right
5. fast and slow
6. easy and hard
7. young and old
8. loud and quiet
9. good and bad
10. near and far
11. pass and fail
12. happy and sad
13. clean and dirty
14. shy and outgoing
15. calm and anxious…”

Simply thinking of alternate, more moderated words, to describe a situation can help you retrain your brain away from dichotomous thinking.

After this exercise, try to note when you have a knee-jerk, extreme reaction to something. What word came to mind initially? Is that word an extremely negative or extremely positive description of the event? If so, try to choose a word that falls somewhere in the middle between bad and good.

Stopping yourself mid-thought can help you break habitual thought patterns, such as black and white thinking. It signals your brain to look for nuance and challenges knee-jerk responses.

You can also think about synonyms for words that initially pop into your head, or challenge yourself to describe something in a new way. For example, let’s say you have a standing team meeting every Tuesday. It drones on and feels like a waste of time. Each Tuesday, you tell your coworkers how “useless” that meeting is, or how “angry” it makes you to attend each week. Try swapping in new words: maybe the meeting is “routine” and you feel “slightly annoyed” at having to attend.

Choosing a more moderate word to describe an annoyance in your life can take some of the power out of it. You don’t have to be bouncing off the walls with joy about the meeting, but you don’t have to let it ruin your mood and your productivity for the day, either.

If you struggle with black and white thinking, therapy can help. Contact me to learn more. My practice serves individuals, couples, and families in the central Denver area.

Sincerely,