How to Talk to Your Kids: Back-to-School Stress
Whether you have a brand-new student attending preschool or Kindergarten for the first time or teens coping with college-prep courses, back-to-school time can be full of stress. That stress isn’t all bad: Good stress can result from pent-up excitement at seeing friends again, joining new clubs or applying to college. So, even if you have a good student who loves school, the following tips may help you open the doors of communication with your kids as the school year begins.
Empathy and listening
Whether your child is three or 23, the first rule for communication is to listen more than you speak. Younger children might not have a complete vocabulary to express themselves fully, but you know your child’s cues and body language better than anybody. Give your child time to share feelings in his or her own way. As humans, we all have a need to be heard, and that applies to children as well. Listening well will help your child feel heard, and it will help him or her to relax a little.
Along with listening, empathy goes a long way. In the midst of a toddler tantrum or teen blow-up, it can be hard to tap into your empathy, but try your best to rein in any knee-jerk responses that come up. Blow-ups like these are often a sign that your child has unexpressed emotions or fears that need to come out. If you can recall a time, either recently or from your own youth, when you felt overwhelming emotion and didn’t feel heard, you will be better able to understand your child’s current frame of mind.
Open doors
During relaxed and happy moments with your kids, take the opportunity to open the door to communication. Ask about your children’s interests, friends, favorite shows or games – anything that shows you care about them as individuals. Talking about positive things during calm moments can help strengthen your parent/child bond and help your child feel more comfortable talking to you during more stressful times.
As the school year begins, and as it ramps up, it can be all too easy to let school and activity schedules dominate your family’s life. However, family time is still important – and it can really help your children feel safer and more secure as the school year goes on. Whether you start a weekly family game night or simply devote an hour to breakfast on the weekend, time together as a family can help everyone relax and recharge for the busy week ahead.
School issues
A new Kindergartner might feel nervous and unsure about school in general, while a high school senior might be worried about slipping grades and social issues with friends. There are a whole host of issues that can come up related, directly or indirectly, to school. These issues can be a source of great anxiety to parents, but it is helpful to remember that your stress often feeds your child’s stress.
As much as possible, emphasize the positive aspects of your child’s school experience – both in your own thoughts and in interactions with your child. Focusing on positives helps minimize stress and can help build confidence that any obstacles can be overcome.
Once you have developed that positive foundation, it is a bit easier to work with your child to discuss challenges and stress. When you do talk about serious issues, such as slipping grades, involve your child as an active participant. Ask your child for ideas on what they think they can do to solve the problem, and then work together toward a solution. Even smaller children can develop confidence in problem-solving when they sense that Mom and Dad believe in their ability to do so. With older children and teens, taking a more active role helps them less like parents are trying to control everything.
Collaborative approach
We have only scratched the surface on this really important topic, and I look forward to diving deeper on age-specific parent/child communication skills. I welcome questions or topic ideas from you, so please feel free to contact me at scott@scottkohner.com.
I enjoy working with families who have kids of various ages. It is amazing how often therapy gives children and parents alike a neutral place to express themselves and to connect in a safe place. My role as a family therapist is to help you better understand your kids and to tap into ways to communicate with them more effectively. I focus on listening to you and your children and provide a nonjudgmental space for coming together as a family, through good times and challenging times.
To learn more about how family therapy can help you open the lines of communication and create deeper family connections, explore my website. I am a Denver, CO therapist located near the Cherry Creek, Washington Park, Bonnie Brae, Virginia Village, Glendale, Lowry, Capitol Hill, and Congress Park neighborhoods.
Sincerely,
